To live life on your own accord (without counting my mother's advice)

Although they have no effect on my life right now, I’m taking steps to improve my situation. I was shaking, stuttering, and red in the face, but I managed to let my superior know that I will be quitting, and thankfully he was very understanding and said he’d try to sort it out so that I could leave as soon as possible, because technically I should be working 3 more months AFTER February…which I do not have the mental capacity to do. Hopefully I’ll be able to leave fully in beginning to mid March. I applied to this interesting store I like and actually went there and mentioned applying and the lovely woman there was excited about it. See, I can do stuff and be proactive! Pulling up to the parking lot in front of the store, I seriously considered turning around and just going home, but I decided not to. Sometimes I forget that most of my life is just a series of decisions made by myself. 

I’ve also applied for student housing, although I haven’t actually applied for the university yet since applications have not opened yet. I haven’t told my mom or anyone in my family aside from my grandma that I intend on moving out. I’ve been so afraid of my mom and her expectations of me lately. I didn’t tell her about my plan on reducing my hours, or my thoughts on resigning, until today when I came home from work after both talking to my current job and the potential one. She took it fine, since I made sure to remind her that I had thought about this for a bit and to trust me, when I told her I intent to quit soon. I have a feeling she’ll take me wanting to move out personally and think it an irresponsible decision, just like she thought of me buying a car (her car to be exact), and I wish her opinion wouldn’t affect me so much. I’d like to think that it doesn’t matter to me what she thinks, but I have a feeling that in a few months when it’ll be closer to me actually moving out she starts to tell me what a bad idea she thinks it is, and I’ll have my doubts about the decision and pull out, even though I think I’ll be better off that way. I know I’d be better off that way. I want to be more central in the city, I want to have space for myself, I want to be independent, I want to be able to see my boyfriend every day in a casual manner. Eating dinner together, existing in the same space without necessarily spending intentional time together. We’re far down the waiting list, but given that I’d feel most comfortable moving in together in 2-4 months, I don’t stress about it too much. I tell myself that in the spring and early summer, the list will move around significantly and we’ll hopefully get a spot in the late summer. Hopefully.